Monday, November 19, 2012

Joel Pollack of Breitbart goes Dondero: Tips for Thanksgiving dinner with family and friends

#1 Take a big dump in their spotless and beautifully arranged guest bathroom. Hold it til right before your departure. Then, be sure not to flush.

Excerpted from, "How to Survive Thanksgiving at Your Liberal Relatives":
Arrival. “Your home looks lovely. Almost like it’s worth what you paid for it. Obama didn’t help with that yet, did he? Oh, well, maybe next term. May I use your bathroom?”

Greetings. “Oh, grandma, I’m so sorry about what Obama did to your Medicare. I tried to stop him.”

“Little Johnny, all grown up. Still looking for a job? Oh. There’s always grad school, you know. I hear Obama will pay your student loans.”

“Jane, you look amazing! I bet you’re the reason Obama promised free contraception.”

“Hey, kids, let’s watch some football. Whatever team Obama picked, that’s the one that’s going to lose. Ask Detroit.”

Grace. “I’m thankful that the war on women is finally over, and you accepted a racist like me back into your midst.”

“I’m thankful for Elizabeth Warren. Now that we have a Native American in the Senate, we can celebrate without feeling guilty anymore.”

“I’d like to take a moment to remember those four brave Americans who lost their lives because of an anti-Islamic video.”

“Blessed be Obama, from whom we enjoy this bountiful harvest.”

Meal. “No turkey for me, thanks. The poultry industry is a major contributor to global warming, and I can’t eat meat without thinking about how I caused Hurricane Sandy.”

“I’m not having cranberry sauce, either. So many of our cranberries today are imported from Poland, and they supported Mitt Romney, you know.”

“Have some more pumpkin pie, please. I promise not to tell Michelle Obama.”

“What, no more Twinkies this year?”

Departure. “I can’t believe it’s time to go already. Four hours and $600 million in national debt just flew by.” [Insert Big Dump session here]

“Gan en jie kuai le! That’s Happy Thanksgiving in Chinese. Might as well start learning.”
Editor's note - Of course, we can not vouch that Mr. Pollock meant to say "take a dump" in his suggestion #1. Just making an educated guess that's what he meant.

1 comment:

Eric Dondero said...
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